i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
