Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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