last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
