My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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