next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
