big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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