ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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