i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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