When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i will never coherently bang her
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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