And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
