It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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