dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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