So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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