he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
