You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
