Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
