My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
