Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
