she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
