I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
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I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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