I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
