I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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