You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book