just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.