Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.