how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.