Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
