They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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