I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels