it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?