6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES