Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.