Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
