i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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