I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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