p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
