Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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