Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
