Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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