shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He shit in the fireplace
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