I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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