I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
