remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
