she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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