Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
