giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
