remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
