i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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