He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
