At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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