I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Houston, we have a squirter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
