I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
