her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
