I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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