Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My feet surprised me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
