you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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