So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize