What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
