new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize