1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize