'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
