I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
