one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize