it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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