i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
