And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Randomize
