Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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