Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
